I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so let's talk penis.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
