well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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