I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
