Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I could fuck to npr.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
