they need to just BURY HIM!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
