I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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