Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
