When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
