I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
