You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
