Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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