Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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