u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
