my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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