i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
