You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
