Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
