thus making me awesome and them whores
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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