seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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