i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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