If i come over, it means nothing
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
