Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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