not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
