I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
