im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
