sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
