Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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