I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
