I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
