how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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