Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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