I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
