I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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