It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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