at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
