I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
