last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
