I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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