Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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