the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
