so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
