i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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