if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
