Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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