i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize