Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
