There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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