U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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