p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
