No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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