I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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