i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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