if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
