"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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