If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just gift wrapped bread.
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The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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