K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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