And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
