I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
