two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
