you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
