I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
