he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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