god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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