so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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