he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize