I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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