My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
