did you get engaged???
love makes seman taste better
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
