If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am one with the molecules
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
