final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
