census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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