Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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