My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
