My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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