he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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