wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
