Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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