for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
