The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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