Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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