Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
