i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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