I cut my penus on the lid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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