my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
