addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
