I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
