I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
