When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
