WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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