I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
